Like I'm Going to Lose You
by Greye
Summary: Emily and JJ after 200. Emily has a nightmare, and decides it is time for a confession. JJ/Emily oneshot F/F


**Greye's Notes:** So here is a little Criminal Minds oneshot that has been floating in my head since I heard Meghan Trainor's new song "Like I'm Gonna Lose You". I thought of Emily and JJ when I heard it, and while I had initially had an already formed relationship in mind, I went with this instead. I hope you like it. There is no Will and no Henry in this little fic. The timeframe is after the episode: 200

To my HP fans, rest assured I have another chapter for you too.

Timeframe: After 200, No Will

Disclaimer: Don't own Criminal Minds or it's characters, don't own "Like I'm Gonna Lose You".

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Emily woke with a start, sitting bolt upright in bed. Sweat poured off of her, and her breathing was ragged. The dream had been so vivid, so real. Probably because part of it had been:

 _Her heart pounded as they entered the building. If she were honest, it had been racing since the moment Hotch had called her in London._

 _She and Hotch made their way carefully through the sub level, clearing corridors and rooms as they went. Emily growing more and more anxious all the while._

 _That was when she heard JJ's voice, shouting. Emily picked up her pace and was right behind Hotch as he shoved open the door, gun literally blazing as he took down Askari. Emily felt her heart drop when she saw the knife clenched in the dead man's fist. Hotch hadn't acted too soon. After a quick clear of the room Emily was at JJ's side._

 _JJ was strung up by her wrists, blood oozing from cuts on her face and arms. Her clothes hid injuries Emily could guess at, thanks to her time at Interpol. Blue eyes followed her every move, filled with relief._

 _"Emily.." a sob escaped her, "I knew they'd call you. I knew it." Emily was working on the chains holding JJ in the air, and at last had her free. Rage filled her as the other woman staggered a bit, and she reached to steady her. What had this..this animal done to her? If Askari wasn't already dead, she would kill him herself. Slowly. Askari had died lucky-ended by a single bullet from Hotch's gun. Still, she wished it had been her own._

 _"Are you okay?" Emily managed. She found it a struggle to speak, as she tamped down her emotions, fighting the rage and sympathetic pain she felt. If she let herself acknowledge fully the state she had found JJ in... She didn't think she would be able to maintain her composure._

 _JJ nodded weakly, and nodded Emily over to Chief Cruz. "Fine, help Matt, please!" Her voice sounded weak to Emily, but also desperate. Emily hesitated for a moment, but at another gesture from JJ she gave a quick nod and ran over to help Hotch. They had gotten to JJ, she reasoned in leaving her side so soon. It was as she knelt by Chief Cruz she realized her mistake. A glance back showed her that JJ was gone. Panic raced through her. Emily scrambled to her feet and was out the other door of the room in seconds, gun drawn and ready. She did not come all this way to save JJ only to lose her like this._

 _She caught up to JJ just as the blonde agent was firing on Hastings. Emily hurried to back her up, turning the corner to fire on Hastings when JJ's clip ran empty. If JJ had to do this, Emily was going to help her. The desire to see JJ safely home drove Emily to go up the ladder after Hastings first, her better shape and general health boosted her up faster than JJ and she leapt onto Hastings, bringing him down in a tackle that would have done Morgan proud._

 _She managed a solid punch in before Hastings backhanded her and she went down. A backhand from a man like Hastings was no laughing matter. Her head rang and it took a moment to catch her bearings, just in time to see JJ enter the fight, and roll with Hastings over the side of the building. Emily reacted. "Jayje!" She dove for her, and missed her hands by an inch. Emily screamed in horror as JJ went over the building._

Emily felt her breathing speed up again as she remembered the dream. Pain ripping through her at what might have been. She had to look to the sleeping blonde next to her to remind herself what had actually happened when JJ had nearly gone off the building.

 _Emily dove for the other woman when she and Hastings went over, catching her arms and securing her to the building. "I got you!" With all of her strength Emily pulled JJ back onto the roof of the building. Once JJ was back on her feet, she looked over the roof to see Hastings' broken body on the ground. Emily watched her carefully, and was surprised when JJ turned back around and threw her arms around Emily, her slim body shaking violently._

 _Emily wrapped her arms tightly around JJ, holding her as close as she could, trying to be mindful of injuries she couldn't see. JJ didn't seem to care, and it felt so good to hold her this way. Emily had always loved JJ, but had never really had the courage to share her feelings. She regretted that now more than ever as she held the shaking woman close to her. "I've got you." She murmured. JJ mumbled something incoherent into her shoulder. It took Emily a while to realize that she was repeating something, over and over._

 _"I knew you'd come. I knew you would. I knew it." JJ's voice was soft, and cracked a few times over the words. The adrenaline was wearing off, and the reality of the last day of torture was setting in. Emily felt her heart clench. She hoped that JJ had never doubted she would come._

 _"Of course I came. I love you." She murmured quietly. She wasn't sure if JJ had heard her, and didn't really care. It was the truth, and she wasn't planning on leaving JJ's side until she was doing better. "Come on Jen, let's get out of here." Gently, she coaxed the other woman off the roof and back through the building, but only by maintaining an arm tight around her waist and allowing JJ to hold her in return. Holding onto Emily seemed to ground JJ. While it was a bit of an awkward walk back, Emily was willing to do it for her-and it seemed to keep the shock from setting in fully. And...Emily admitted it to herself...she didn't want to let JJ go either._

Emily had her eyes closed and was breathing in and out deeply and slowly. Finally she was calmed down enough to open them again and look at JJ, sleeping soundly next to her. It had been a day since they had rescued JJ. She knew that her friend would be experiencing her own nightmares normally, especially after what she had faced, but her body was just too tired and battered right now. Emily was glad she was able to get the sleep she was now. It would be a long road to recovery.

She ached to draw JJ into her arms properly, to hold her like she so desperately wanted to, to really remind herself that the other woman was alive. But she couldn't. JJ had asked Emily to stay with her for a time-not wanting to be alone, which Emily completely understood. She had even offered to share her bed, since her apartment was too small to have a guest room. This was not how she wanted to share a bed with Jennifer. She drew her knees up to her chest and leaned her head on them, gazing at the woman slumbering beside her. Sleep would not come back for her tonight, she knew. So she would keep watch. She was beginning to realize that her ability to compartmentalize was coming apart at the seams-as did everything when it came to JJ. It was hitting her hard how very close she had come to losing the one person she loved above all others. Emily choked back a quiet groan, a single tear making it's way down her face.

About an hour into her vigil, Emily was starting to doze. JJ woke with a start beside her, and instantly panicked. She shot up in the bed, eyes wide and wild, head jerking every which way looking around the room. Emily moved away from Jennifer, not wanting to be mistaken for a threat. "Hey, it's alright. You're in your room, you're safe. I'm here with you, you're safe." Emily kept repeating the words in as soothing a tone as she could until JJ had calmed down enough to recognize her surroundings. She stared at Emily for a few seconds before her blue eyes became watery. True to Jareau fortitude, she held her tears back, but she still swallowed heavily.

"Emily?" Her voice was so small and fragile, Emily broke inside. She quickly scooted back across the bed and gathered JJ into her arms, cradling her almost as she would a child.

"Yeah," she whispered. "I'm here." She felt a shudder pass through JJ's smaller frame and she rested her head on Emily's shoulder. They were both silent for several minutes, each enjoying the comfort of having another person so close.

"Emily...?" JJ's voice was so soft, Emily didn't think she had heard her. When JJ repeated her name, she quickly responded.

"Yeah?" She tightened her arms around the other woman, letting her know that she was alert and awake.

JJ was quiet a second, before her quiet voice came again, a little stronger this time. "Emily...did you mean what you said on the roof? Really mean it?"

Emily's world rocked to a halt.

JJ had heard her after all. Did she love this woman? Yes, above all yes. She wanted nothing more than to shout it at the top of her lungs that she loved Jayje, and had been so, so scared that she had lost her. Should she tell her the truth? How would she react? She and JJ had been friends a long time, so Emily thought it was reasonable to think that JJ wouldn't hate her outright...she hoped.

"Em?" JJ's voice was uncertain.

That decided Emily. Her voice came quiet too, but solid and firm. "Yes. I really meant it." Emily felt like a weight had been lifted off of her shoulders. "I love you Jennifer. I love you so much, and if you give me the chance I will show you the rest of our lives how much. Yesterday..." She choked, and buried her face in JJ's soft hair. "We'll never know when we'll run out of time...I almost lost you. It's about time I told you the truth. I love you." She could not have made this confession just 48 hours ago, but the awful truth was one just never knew in this job when it might be all over. She wanted to live...and love...with no regrets.

JJ moved to sit forward, away from Emily. Emily reluctantly let her arms drop, freeing her. It was with surprise that she found two sapphire eyes facing her a second later, brimming with emotion. "Em, you are the dumbest genius I know." JJ wiped a hand across her eyes, breathing hard as she struggled not to cry. A smile lifted her lips. "I love you too." JJ leaned forward and captured Emily's lips in a gentle kiss filled with love.

Emily kissed back immediately, overcoming the shock of JJ's pronouncement, and slipped her arms around JJ again. If this was a dream, she didn't want it to end. They pulled back mutually after a few more moments of tender realization, and Emily leaned her forehead against JJ's. "You, Jareau," she said, a smile in her voice, "Are just full of surprises." She pressed a light kiss to her lips again and tugged her until they were both laying flat on the bed again. Emily pulled the covers over both of them before rearranging her arms around JJ.

JJ just smiled back at Emily, heart full for the first time in a long time. She was glad to have something happy to focus on so soon in the aftermath of her capture and subsequent torture. She nestled into Emily and sighed, feeling safe and loved. She and Emily still had plenty to figure out, but right now...all they needed was each other.

"I guess I'm going to have to get my stuff shipped from London." Emily mused. JJ laughed.

As the blonde fell asleep in Emily's arms, the brunette thought back over her relationship with JJ over the past few years, and the overwhelming feeling of having her feelings reciprocated. She was going to take this second chance she had been given, and make the most of it. _I'm going to love you, Jennifer Jareau, like I'm going to lose you. Because in our line of work, that is a very real possibility._ Emily shivered slightly and tightened her hold on JJ, pressing a light kiss into the soft hair of the woman she loved. The ladies had plenty on the road ahead for them-but they would have this moment to look back on, and share.

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 **Greye's Notes:**

So yeah, a little fluffier than my usual. Okay let's be real, I rarely write oneshots. I hope you liked this one. I have another Criminal Minds 2 or 3 shot in mind, also Jemily. If you guys liked this one, I'll work on that one too. Thanks for reading!


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